Sunday, January 17, 2010

When do i stop?


I have started wondering within the last 3 or 4 months if people get annoyed when I bring up Makenzie. I don't want to annoy people but in everyday conversations with people i reference my friends such talking to Sam today about all the names the police have. He named po po and i said "Oh i know! Nancy calls the police the po po." Things like that. Everything i talk about with people I tend to relate to my friends. Nobody thinks anything of it if i say things about Nancy or Emilie but if i relate something to Makenzie it seems to make everything awkward. I wish it wasn't that way. I wish people wouldn't try to not bring her up around me anymore. I am okay with it now. I am used to the fact that she isn't here. I miss her like crazy but i am strong enough now not to cry at every mention of her. I like relating things to her. It makes it seem like she was just here with me not that long ago. It's something Makenzie used to do or something Makenzie used to say. It really doesn't mean we have to change the topic. I was just pointing something out. However, when i do feel sad about her now or bring her up with people in school that aren't my best friends I am thinking "are they just plain sick of hearing about Makenzie?" I don't want to annoy people but to be honest, I still think about Makenzie just as much as I did a month after she passed away. I am just not as emotional now. I also don't want people to think i have forgotten about makenzie so i do want to bring her up but at the same time i don't want to annoy people. Haha this is becoming a constant thought of mine.

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