I know of this guy. One of his best friends died two days ago on the way home from a friends house. This wasn't a car accident. She was murdered. She was beaten badly and then put back into her car, dead. I can't imagine how i would handle this. The fact knowing someone PURPOSEFULLY killed my best friend is unimaginable. Knowing this girl was probably so scared when she died. It's just hard to think about. Makenzie was not purposefully killed. It was a accident. Much easier to forgive. Makenzie was also texting Wes and was perfectly happy when she passed away. I can't imagine dealing with knowing my friend was unhappy, scared, and in pain. Also, a guy at Lake died recently in his sleep. He was 18 and a only child. Seeing my friends mourn the loss brings me right back to terrible memories of me missing Makenzie. I have trouble comprehending the fact that someone who has passed away is happier then me. It confuses me. Right now, Nancy and Emilie are both out of town. I miss them like crazy and it's only been 7 days since i have seen nancy and like 4 since i have seen Emilie. I would even go more crazy if i couldn't text them and get daily updates on what they are doing. It makes me feel sorry for Makenzie. Knowing she can't have any contact with her best friends, parents, family, etc. But then i am reminded of the fact that she doesn't miss us. She is happier then me because she was a christian who met God face to face last year. She is overwhelmed with Christ i would assume and is doing nothing but glorifying him. Why would she sit up in heaven and cry about missing us if she is in the presence of Christ. She is happy. I just have to hope that (this guys) friend knew Christ and that his friend is happier then us too right now. It gave me comfort that Makenzie is happier then she ever was here and i hope (this guy) gets the same comfort when thinking about his friend because without that piece of information, i would have been a wreck.
As i lay here on my couch. Tears begin to flow. Seeing the 6/3/10 on the TV screen started it all. I never knew a simple combination of numbers and slashes could make me cry. The weather is making everything worse. It is lightning, thundering, and pouring rain outside. I think of this as sadness but Joe tells me this is everyone in heaven celebrating from gaining such an amazing person on this day last year. Everyone is playing in the sprinklers, bowling, and dancing under disco balls. I prefer to think of it Joe's way. The amount of tears that will be shed tomorrow by everyone who knew Makenzie might equal the amount of rain we get tonight. But i digress. Today marks a year since Mak met Jesus. Even though at this exact time she would have been alive, i can't help but already start to tear up. People's words of encouragement make me feel good such as "I am thinking about you today" but they also make the tear ducts jump into action. I can't believe it's been a year. Well sorta. I feel like i haven't seen her in forever but i feel like June 4th and that awful morning were not that long ago. There has been so many Kenzie related events though. I don't know if all the kenzie events helped the mourning process or just carried it out longer. I still think about Makenzie all the time and i still bring her up in conservation daily. It saddens me now hearing music. I cannot distinguish between music that Kenzie knew and music that has came out since she passed away. I'll be singing and think to myself "Kenzie would love this song" then i wonder "wait, maybe she did know it". I can't believe i have now completed an entire year without talking to a best friend. I didn't know it was possible. There is so much i want to tell her. I want to hug her. Her bracelet brings be comfort and i squeeze it within the palm of my hand but it has nothing near the same effect as giving her a hug. I realize she is happier now and she doesn't feel saddened being apart from us but i wish she could have been here for graduation, prom, senior trip, etc. I feel like she has missed out on so much but yet i know i am the one missing out on the great time she is having in heaven. Not for one second would she choose between sitting on a bus for 25 hours to reach a fun place or just being in a fun place. It sounds like such a silly comparison. I just wish she could have experienced more stuff here on earth with me before taking that permanent vacation. I set my default picture on facebook to one of me and Mak. Just like everyone else. My status on facebook it about Makenzie. Just like everyone else. I guess this is all in honor of her and expressing our love for her but it just seems like it is not enough. That's my thoughts for the night. I will write tomorrow too after all of the Makenzie events take place. Love you Makenzie.
