As i lay here on my couch. Tears begin to flow. Seeing the 6/3/10 on the TV screen started it all. I never knew a simple combination of numbers and slashes could make me cry. The weather is making everything worse. It is lightning, thundering, and pouring rain outside. I think of this as sadness but Joe tells me this is everyone in heaven celebrating from gaining such an amazing person on this day last year. Everyone is playing in the sprinklers, bowling, and dancing under disco balls. I prefer to think of it Joe's way. The amount of tears that will be shed tomorrow by everyone who knew Makenzie might equal the amount of rain we get tonight. But i digress. Today marks a year since Mak met Jesus. Even though at this exact time she would have been alive, i can't help but already start to tear up. People's words of encouragement make me feel good such as "I am thinking about you today" but they also make the tear ducts jump into action. I can't believe it's been a year. Well sorta. I feel like i haven't seen her in forever but i feel like June 4th and that awful morning were not that long ago. There has been so many Kenzie related events though. I don't know if all the kenzie events helped the mourning process or just carried it out longer. I still think about Makenzie all the time and i still bring her up in conservation daily. It saddens me now hearing music. I cannot distinguish between music that Kenzie knew and music that has came out since she passed away. I'll be singing and think to myself "Kenzie would love this song" then i wonder "wait, maybe she did know it". I can't believe i have now completed an entire year without talking to a best friend. I didn't know it was possible. There is so much i want to tell her. I want to hug her. Her bracelet brings be comfort and i squeeze it within the palm of my hand but it has nothing near the same effect as giving her a hug. I realize she is happier now and she doesn't feel saddened being apart from us but i wish she could have been here for graduation, prom, senior trip, etc. I feel like she has missed out on so much but yet i know i am the one missing out on the great time she is having in heaven. Not for one second would she choose between sitting on a bus for 25 hours to reach a fun place or just being in a fun place. It sounds like such a silly comparison. I just wish she could have experienced more stuff here on earth with me before taking that permanent vacation. I set my default picture on facebook to one of me and Mak. Just like everyone else. My status on facebook it about Makenzie. Just like everyone else. I guess this is all in honor of her and expressing our love for her but it just seems like it is not enough. That's my thoughts for the night. I will write tomorrow too after all of the Makenzie events take place. Love you Makenzie.
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